Mon, Aug 3, 2020
∙ READING TIME: 2 MINUTES ∙

Stoney Baloney is the world’s first narrated Cannabis Column cultivated from the clippings of a former radio shock jock turned cannalosopher. Hop aboard for a joyride of dabbed distinctions and psychedelic perspectives.

EPISODE #68 – THE SHITUATION

Episode #68: THE SHITUATION – Transcript

STONEY BALONEY by Mike Ricker

Remember that dude on Jersey Shore who called himself The Situation? Well, this has absolutely nothing to do with him. So, now that we have gotten that out of the way, let us pontificate.

As kids, it is safe to say that for most of us the proverb Waste Not, Want Not was stuffed into our mushy little brains as much as the Cookie Monster stuffed Oreos into his stoned mouth. In fact, Cookies is now as much of an imperative word in the Cannabis vernacular as wedding cake, which makes a lot of sense. Weed gives you the munchies. And the word munchies is synonymous with cookies and cake.

Man, I’ve gotta get a handle on my life. I am getting way off the subject.

That mushy brain has become quarantinged.

Anyway, people are broke. They are lonely and depressed. There will be no festivals to attend, no sporting events, no nightclubs, and who in the hell would have ever predicted a juggernaut in wearable masks and hand sanitizer as positions suggested by your portfolio manager? These are the least sexy stocks in the market, but there is nothing sexy about a pandemic, so it makes a lot of sense.

Is anyone having sex?

Anyway, if you ask me, I think what may have gotten us in this mess is the fact that we are wasteful. Yes, we all love the convenience of pushing a button on your hand-held pocket partner and having products magically appear at your doorstep a day later, but we seem to have lost sight of where the waste ends up. It is awfully nice to pull the toilet handle and watch everything vanish into oblivion or toss your recycling into a bin and bid a fond farewell, but this ecosystem can only handle so much of our shit.

Have they opened the beaches yet? At this point, I would take the Jersey Shore.

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STORY by MIKE RICKER @rickerdj for LEAF NATION | ILLUSTRATION by JOSHUA BOULET @joshuaboulet for LEAF NATION